I Couldn't Care Less: Crossing the Line
Created | Updated Jul 14, 2013
Crossing the Line
The other day I was walking down the street when I was engaged in conversation by a total stranger. I don’t mind that per se, I don’t even mind it in the context I am about to describe, but it was slightly bewildering. The root of the confusion was that the chap, who I did not know at all, was asking how I was and how work was and various questions generally asked by people who know you. It reminded me of a similar instance I had experience nearly two decades previously.
I was, I guess, about 15 at the time. I was walking home from school and had taken a shortcut down a secluded little footpath off the main road. I was stopped about halfway down the path by a tall, stocky man who was shaking unnervingly, standing too close to me and talking to me as if he knew me. At the time I lived in the village I was born in, so when I saw my mother next I described the man to her in case he was someone she went to church with or knew in some other way, who was aware of me despite my being completely oblivious to him. He was not. He was, as it turned out, well known in the village. He was a chap who had lost his wife some years previously and had suffered some sort of breakdown as a result. He was entirely harmless but could easily alarm or unnerve the uninitiated.
The thing is that mental health charities are often at pains to point out that people with mental health problems are more likely to be the victims of risk than the cause of it. This is true, but a problem that cannot be ignored is that people still find that some mental health conditions can result in disturbing and alarming behaviour. Look at the example above. The man I met was unknown to me, seemingly oblivious to the notion of personal space. I had no idea what he was going to do next. People with mental health issues that make them, for want of a better phrase, socially abnormal, are unpredictable. Once you are unable to rely on all the normal cues you use to judge a person’s behaviour, mood, demeanour and so on, you are left with a gap that can easily be alarming. Now I am absolutely not saying that you should regard such people as dangerous. What I am saying is that a lot of people do, and that this is a major hurdle that we need to acknowledge and overcome.
So what is the solution to this problem? A mental health charity in the UK has called for mental health education in schools. That’s a start. But I also know that the modest experience I have of people with mental health problems helps me to regard them as normal people with abnormal behaviour patterns. So that, to be honest, is my best recommendation. Where ever possible, try to engage with people on the fringes. I know I’ve said this before, but the best way to understand people you find confusing is to engage with them, and the best way to engage with them is to treat them the way you would treat everyone else. I’m not for a minute suggesting that you should put yourself at any sort of risk. But if you happen to encounter one in a queue, or on a bus, or at work (if you are in a public-facing role) then just engage with them. Ignore the weird twitching, or the periodic noises they make, or the odd habit of talking to themselves, and just act as if they were just like everyone else. Talk to them, listen to them. Pass the time of day, attend to their query, let them in to your world. It only has to be in a small way, a bit at a time, but a lot of people who are largely ignored, avoided or treated with derision will be very appreciative of the fact that you treat them as a normal person. You may well find the world to be more full of nice, friendly, appreciative people than you previously realised.
Articles by benjaminpmoore Archive
